Break Free

I received an email the other day from one of our customers. "Please help. I am desperate. My life is a mess. I have read your book, The Initiation. I think it's true what you say, but nothing is working for me."

Of course, I responded. It was more than a plea for help, it was a challenge.

So we got into some back and forth emails, questions and answers, clarifications and finally this firm suggestion from me.

"You absolutely must change your habitual way of doing things and thinking about things. Otherwise you are going to continue to get the same results.

"Philosophy, self-help books and all other educational material is ONLY GOOD IF IT IS APPLIED to the way you live your life. It does no good gathering dust on your bookshelf or even bouncing around in your head. It is the application that produces results, not the information."

"Ok. I am prepared to change. What should I do?" is what I get back from him.

So, I made a simple list of things to do every day. Maybe 1 hour's worth of extra activity. Likely less.

What I get back is amazing. First there is a list of reasons why half the things I suggest cannot be done by him. Then there are questions about why I think it necessary to do the other things on the list. He thinks that they are a waste of time. And, besides which, he certainly has no extra time in the day. He is already overworked and does not spend enough time with his wife.

Now, I already know from our previous emails what his days look like. He spends about half his evenings sitting on the couch with his wife, watching TV. So I write back and tell him his excuse about no time does not wash. He should take some of his TV time and start making his life work better. He replies that he is unwilling to give up any TV time because that is the only time he and his wife have together and he's not willing to give that up because their relationship is already in trouble.

I am tempted to quit right then and there. I mean this guy either just does not get it or he is playing me along like some fish he has hooked. Maybe he's just another emotional vampire. I've seen enough of those over the years. Maybe if I was a psychotherapist, I'd look forward to dealing with this kind of nonsense, but...

So, I write back one last time. Maybe I can shock him...

"Ok. Here is how it is for you...

"You are a prisoner. You have built the walls that hold you captive yourself. You have locked the only door and you have quite plainly told me that you have thrown away the only key...your willingness to change.

"Even if I came and forced the door open, you'd refuse to leave your safe little jail.

"So quit pretending; quit crying for help. Until you decide to break free from your self-imposed chains, no book, no bell and no candle will help you."

This is what he replies with, "I knew that you were a fake. You only pretended to know the answers."

I relate this now because I think that each of us has some of my friend in us. We are habituated to feeling, thinking and acting in certain ways. We are not always pleased with the results we end up with, but we absolutely refuse to consider that what we are and what we do produces the results we are getting. We refuse to change and we blame the world for the way things are.

This is not a new theme. It bears repeating though, because our habits come back to haunt us time and time again. We are imprisoned by our addictions, our habitual way of being.

We go to a seminar or read a book and are inspired to make a little change in attitude or thinking process. Suddenly life seems better. Then some guy cuts us off in traffic or the stock market drops 500 points or it rains on our parade and we are back to thinking and acting the same old way. And, strangely, life seems to be tough again.

All that positive thinking stuff is just BS you tell yourself and anyone who will listen. I tried it and still got @* on. Somehow it doesn't occur to us to notice that we have returned to our previous habits. The ones we had already decided to change. Like the junkie who wears long sleeves to hide the needle scars, we clothe the proof of our returned habits of non-productive thinking, feeling and acting in excuses and diversions, in blame and justification.

Fundamental change occurs only when we make the firm and irrevocable choice to change who we are and what we do. Conditional change does not work. You can't do "I'll try it out; see if it works and then decide." or "I'll take this path only until I come to a fork in the road."

Tools for transformation are like all tools. They don't work because of their pretty packages. They don't work because you own them. They don't work because somebody else says they do. They work because you use them and they work only when you use them. When you stop using them, they stop working.

We don't expect an electric drill to drill holes when it is sitting on the work bench; but somehow we expect that little change of heart or change of mind we had promised to make yesterday when we read that self-help book, to be still working today even though we have put it back on the shelf and went back to watching TV.

Your life is what you make it. It can be a mess or a masterpiece.

"There are many who find a good alibi far more attractive than an achievement. For an achievement does not settle anything permanently.

We still have to prove our worth anew each day: we have to prove that we are as good today as we were yesterday. But when we have a valid alibi for not achieving anything we are fixed, so to speak, for life.

Moreover, when we have an alibi for not writing a book, painting a picture, and so on, we have an alibi for not writing the greatest book and not painting the greatest picture.

Small wonder that the effort expended and the punishment endured in obtaining a good alibi often exceed the effort and grief requisite for the attainment of a most marked achievement."

--Eric Hoffer

© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.

Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright. Leslie Fieger is the author of The DELFIN Trilogy, (The Initiation, The Journey and The Quest), The Master Key, Alexandra's DragonFire, Awakenings and Your Prosperity Paradigm. His personal website is http://www.lesliefieger.com/

Original article

The Power Of Positivity

What you export into the world will eventually be imported back into you.-

Things You Must Never Say Aloud, Psychology Today
I believe in being positive...mostly because the alternative seems like a drag. Who wants to mope around all the time complaining about life? According to positive psychology expert, Martin Seligman*, there is validity to self-fulfilling prophesies. Which means we've got to teach our athletes how to speak positive, rather than negative, words about themselves.

4 things our players should never say out loud

I can't do this. Why should they limit themselves with their words? I've heard "I can't" many times in my career from athletes, but it never comes after spending hours and hours, grinding away at a skill. "I can't" usually comes after a couple of attempts. We've got to show our athletes the value and sticking with something until the end. "I can't" gives up when things get tough...and we certainly don't want a team of players that give up!
Why is she playing instead of me? These players are tough because they're not real big on personal responsibility. I think that most players have sense enough not to say this to their coach's face, but I'm not naïve enough to think they're not saying it in the locker room. Here's the truth, this player doesn't ask their coach this question because they know they'll get an honest answer! So they ask their teammates, which puts them in an awkward position. What if their teammates agree with the coach's decision? My advice to these players is to stop talking about why they're not playing and be so good that their coach can't help but to play them.
I'm terrible/I suck/I'm no good, etc. Like the player above, this player puts her teammates in a bad spot. Now they've got to give the obligatory, "No, you're really good!" remarks. If the player truly believes they're awful, there's good news: practice will make it better. If they're just saying it to get attention: stop being selfish. The truth is, the coach has this player on the team for a reason...and I'd bet it's not because they aren't any good.
She's better than me. I'm going to speak directly to the player here: I think this is an excuse. Sure, some players are more talented than others, but to throw up your hands and shrug your shoulders and say, "she's better than me" is a cop out. Maybe she is better than you...because she works harder than you. Maybe she's better than you because she's got more experience than you. Maybe she's better than you because she cares more than you. There are many reasons one player can be better than another. The fact is, you can't control how good she is...but you can control how good you are.

All of these phrases take away any semblance of control that a player can feel they have over their own playing lives. Let's make sure our players speak positively about themselves and their circumstances, because words have power.

*Want to read more about Seligman's work? Check out The Evolution Of Happy Teams.

Dawn Redd is the Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College. Come visit Coach Dawn's community of coaching nerds and team leaders over at her blog, http://www.coachdawnwrites.com/, where she teaches how to become an excellent coach, motivate individuals, and build successful teams.

Her book, Coach Dawn's Guide To Motivating Female Athletes, is available for purchase on her website.

Original article

Are You Taking Your Place in the World?

I work with women to fulfill their purpose and potential through entrepreneurship. Yet many of these women lose sight of why they went business in the first place, and start to lose their passion and enthusiasm over time.

One client I'll call Sharon, came to be because she was at her wits end drowning in paperwork, emails, and to-do lists. She felt drained, overworked, and uninspired. She was in a place of not remembering why she had started her business in the first place or what she felt called to do.

Her reason for going into business was because she felt a strong call to make a contribution in the world. She didn't know exactly how to do that in the way she imagined, so she just started with what she knew. This is where most women start, but they often get lost along the way.

By the time Sharon came to me, she was exhausted, ready to give up, and had very limited financial resources remaining. Here's what I had her do to turn her situation around quickly - and you can too!

One: get clear on what you feel most called to do right now

It may be time to hone in on your true purpose and talents more narrowly. Get very specific on the exact value you bring to your clients and the key challenges you can help them solve.

Two: get support

Mary was running a one-woman show in trying to do everything herself. One of the first things we did was to get her some simple administrative support for a few hours a week.

Three: simplify and streamline

Look at your service and program offerings for the clients and the services you can let go of that are no longer a passion for you, for the things that take a lot of your time but don't reward you financially, and for places where you have a long list of offerings but no clear specialty. Eliminate at least half of what you're currently doing that no longer serves you so you can focus on the work that truly fulfills inspires you.

So what happened with my client Sharon?

She immediately brought on an assistant for several hours a month which grew over time. She simplified by dropping one of her service offerings that didn't bring a good financial reward, and completed with several clients who were draining her energy. She was then in a position to step into her greatness. Now she's thriving and very happy and more fulfilled in her work.

Are you ready and willing to take your true place in the world and make the difference only you can make? Most women are trying to do too much and consequently aren't bringing their true contribution to the world. Stop playing small and start standing out for the work you feel called to do. Get clear on your true calling and core talents. Then, simplify, streamline, specialize, and get support so you can step into your fullest potential.

Jan Marie Dore teaches women entrepreneurs how to grow their business online and create profitable income streams. Sign up for her savvy and smart marketing tips and receive a 30 page FREE Bonus Workbook and audio 'Eight Insider Marketing Secrets of Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs' by visiting http://www.femalepreneurs.com/

Original article