What you export into the world will eventually be imported back into you.-
Things You Must Never Say Aloud, Psychology Today
I believe in being positive...mostly because the alternative seems like a drag. Who wants to mope around all the time complaining about life? According to positive psychology expert, Martin Seligman*, there is validity to self-fulfilling prophesies. Which means we've got to teach our athletes how to speak positive, rather than negative, words about themselves.
4 things our players should never say out loud
I can't do this. Why should they limit themselves with their words? I've heard "I can't" many times in my career from athletes, but it never comes after spending hours and hours, grinding away at a skill. "I can't" usually comes after a couple of attempts. We've got to show our athletes the value and sticking with something until the end. "I can't" gives up when things get tough...and we certainly don't want a team of players that give up!Why is she playing instead of me? These players are tough because they're not real big on personal responsibility. I think that most players have sense enough not to say this to their coach's face, but I'm not naïve enough to think they're not saying it in the locker room. Here's the truth, this player doesn't ask their coach this question because they know they'll get an honest answer! So they ask their teammates, which puts them in an awkward position. What if their teammates agree with the coach's decision? My advice to these players is to stop talking about why they're not playing and be so good that their coach can't help but to play them.
I'm terrible/I suck/I'm no good, etc. Like the player above, this player puts her teammates in a bad spot. Now they've got to give the obligatory, "No, you're really good!" remarks. If the player truly believes they're awful, there's good news: practice will make it better. If they're just saying it to get attention: stop being selfish. The truth is, the coach has this player on the team for a reason...and I'd bet it's not because they aren't any good.
She's better than me. I'm going to speak directly to the player here: I think this is an excuse. Sure, some players are more talented than others, but to throw up your hands and shrug your shoulders and say, "she's better than me" is a cop out. Maybe she is better than you...because she works harder than you. Maybe she's better than you because she's got more experience than you. Maybe she's better than you because she cares more than you. There are many reasons one player can be better than another. The fact is, you can't control how good she is...but you can control how good you are.
All of these phrases take away any semblance of control that a player can feel they have over their own playing lives. Let's make sure our players speak positively about themselves and their circumstances, because words have power.
*Want to read more about Seligman's work? Check out The Evolution Of Happy Teams.
Dawn Redd is the Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College. Come visit Coach Dawn's community of coaching nerds and team leaders over at her blog, http://www.coachdawnwrites.com/, where she teaches how to become an excellent coach, motivate individuals, and build successful teams.
Her book, Coach Dawn's Guide To Motivating Female Athletes, is available for purchase on her website.
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